I don't want to be an asshole.

"𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘶𝘱, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦."

A client shared this with me last week. And I remembered saying the exact same thing early in my career.

I thought being liked meant that I was doing a great job:

😬 Saying "yes" to everything made me seem dependable and capable.

😬 Not pushing for my own ideas, because others are more senior and they definitely know better.

😬 Avoiding giving tough feedback, because I’m not difficult. And I can’t be wrong if I don’t speak up.

For years, I hesitated to step into leadership roles, especially when my performance reviews kept saying “𝘉𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘶𝘱 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦, 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦.”

I thought I had to choose: between staying ‘nice (and stalling), or becoming an asshole (and losing myself).

Then I realized:

I was assuming I only had a binary choice: 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳.

The turning point came when I asked:

“What if I could lead like.. ME?”

Not the imaginary "asshole" version I feared becoming.

Not the people-pleaser version I'd outgrown.

Just me - and more:

🌱 More focus on trust and respect than being liked

🌱 More assertive than silent

🌱 More willing to give constructive feedback than avoid hard conversations

💭 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴. 𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘭𝘺, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦?