20 Years of Marriage

"𝘏𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘳𝘺!" was the simple text I got from my husband at exactly midnight.

This week my husband and I are celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary, on two different continents.

He’s on a business trip in Asia. Several family and friends have commented: “𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦?” or “𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘵𝘺 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥𝘶𝘭𝘦?”

The thing is, we are both okay with this. It’s a reflection of the kind of partnership we’ve built over the years. We’ve known each other for 28 years, and married for 20. There were definitely many moments along the way where we were heavily influenced by what others said we 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 do. But after all these years, we know what really matters is how we make 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 feel.

💖 I am grateful that we have always supported each other in all major life decisions. From waiting 5 years after marriage to have kids, despite our family pressures; to encouraging each other to pursue MBAs and professional certifications; to taking risks moving companies so we could both balance what made sense for our family, and our career ambitions.

💖 I am grateful he has been an amazing supporter and anchor in both my personal life and my career. He believed in me when my inner critic was loud, and I doubted my capabilities. He cheered for me when I hit milestones, and listened when I faced blockers at work. He made leaving him and the kids behind for the many business trips over the years bearable because I knew I was not alone. I had a trusted partner who eased my guilt.

💖 I am grateful we both have (or choose to have?) horrible memories. We often tell our friends that our marriage works well because, most of our fights end with "𝘞𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨?" "𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘵?"

💖 I am grateful that we have chosen to build a relationship that works for us. The simple text at midnight was enough for me. Plus, we’ll celebrate later this year by going back to where we got married 20 years ago, with our girls.

Thank you for being my rock, my sounding board, and my best friend. Here’s to the next 50 years. ❤️