Giving Myself a 20-Year Performance Review

The me from 20 years ago would give myself an “𝘌𝘹𝘤𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴 𝘌𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴” rating for how my life has turned out so far.

Last week my husband and I brought our girls to Kauai. It was our first time back since our wedding there 20 years ago. Standing at the beach garden where we got married was emotional. So much has happened in 20 years.

The me from back then couldn’t have imagined the career I’d build, the companies I’d work for, the countries I’d visit, or the family my husband and I would create.

And if I could sit with her now, I’d tell her a few things to make the path much less stressful, and much more enjoyable:

💚 𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐎𝐤𝐚𝐲 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬: I stressed a lot over not having the same clarity as others about where I wanted to be or what I wanted to do. I know now that I don’t need to have everything figured out. Just focusing on making the best decisions based on what matters the most to me, and adapting along the way, I’ll be ok.

💚 𝐃𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐒𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐌𝐲 𝐎𝐰𝐧 𝐓𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐬: I worried too much about what others thought of me, and whether I measured up to their definitions of success. Caring less about others’ opinions, and listening more to what is important to me, is much more fulfilling.

💚 𝐈 𝐂𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐃𝐨 𝐈𝐭 𝐀𝐥𝐥, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐎𝐤𝐚𝐲: I thought I could give 110% at work, AND 110% as a wife, AND 110% as a mom all the time, and it exhausted me. Instead of feeling guilty about me time, self-care actually allows me to show up better for others in the long run.

💚 𝐈𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬: There were years, especially after becoming a mom, when I could barely survive just juggling work and parenting. I was upset with myself for not having the time or energy to nurture more connections. I’ve realized that being intentional and genuine in each daily interaction is still progress. These moments will add up, and create a great support system over time.

💚 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: I spent so much time constantly sprinting toward the next goal, that I didn’t take the time to enjoy what I already had. Fulfillment isn’t waiting at the finish line, it’s in the progress and small moments along the way.

I’m proud of the progress I’ve made and the lessons I’ve learned. As I set intentions for my next 10 or 20 years, I want to have more compassion for myself, enjoy the journey more, and focus on what's truly important to me.

How would the you from 10 or 20 years ago feel about your progress today? And what intentions do you want to set for your next 10 or 20 years?

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